"Reader's Digest Fun Fare":
I chose these four funnies. I wonder which of the many Dad really enjoyed?
He looked out of the window and called to his wife, 'There goes the woman Bill Jones is in love with.'
She dropped the cup she was drying in the kitchen, hurtled through the door, knocked over a lamp, and craned her neck to see.
'Where?' she panted.
'There,' he pointed, 'that woman at the corner in the brown tweed coat.'
'You idiot,' she said. 'That's his wife.'
'Well, of course it is,' he replied.
- The Wall Street Journal
'The bride was anything but a tidy housewife. It bothered her no end until one evening her husband called from the hall somewhat dismayed: 'Darling,' he shouted, 'where's the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it.'
- MS
My husband thoughtfully bought me an electric blanket, since I always complain about cold sheets. I was a little reluctant to sleep under all the electric wiring, but he assured me it was safe, and in no time I was dozing off contentedly.
What my husband did not know was that I had to put a ham in the oven to bake all night at a low heat.
When he awoke in the night and smerlt something cooking, he reached over and shook me. 'Darling!' he cried. 'Are you alright?'
-Mrs JR
This is the latest practical joke played by two teenagers. They put a toy phone and an alarm clock in a briefcase. Then they boarded a bus, and in a few minutes the alarm went off.
One of them reached in, turned off the alarm, drew out the telephone and said 'Hello' into it. He then handed the phone to his pal with: "It's for you.'
- Robert Sylvester
When I read the last one I looked to the front to see when the joke book was published - 1966!
"Great Words from Great Lives":
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
MARK TWAIN:
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.
-Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
WINSTON CHURCHILL
Life is a test and this world a place of trial. Always the problems - or it may be the same problem - will be presented to every generation in different forms.
Speech at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 1949
"The Psychologist Magazine" December 1966:
These are some of the fascinating titles:
The Art of Giving Presents
Do's and Don'ts of Conversation
Are You a Good Guest?
Patient Who Always Felt Anxious and Apprehensive
Surmounting Self-Pity
How to Build a Corageous and Strong Personality
Five Steps to Help You Develop the Spirit of Goodwill in Your Life
How to Practice Thought-Control
Ways for Putting Zest Back Into Your Life
Overcoming Self-Consciousness in Mixing With People
Organising to Avoid Nervous Strain and Get Things Done
The Great Value of Thinking You CAN Do It
How to Face Difficult Social Situations Successfully
*****************************
"Make Haste Slowly"
The times that we must hurry should be minimized.
In nine cases out of ten, the necessity for hurry comes only from our own attitude of mind, but hurry without excitement.
To hurry quietly is to most people an unknown thing. But if in the act of needful hurry we are constantly teaching ourselves to stop resistance by saying over and over, through whatever we may be doing, "I am perfectly willing to lose the train," that will help to remove the resistance, and so help us to learn how to make haste quietly.
- Annie Payson Call
"I live every day now as if it were the first day I had ever seen and the last I were going to see. I am excited about the daily adventure of living, nobody in a state of excitement will be unduly troubled with worries."
- WL Phelps
No comments:
Post a Comment